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Red Sox Jokes

On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Yankees fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Yankees fans.

Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Yankees fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I am a Red Sox fan, and proud of it," Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why pray tell are you a Red Sox fan?"

"Because my mom is a Red Sox fan, and my dad is Red Sox fan, so I'm a Red Sox fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Red Sox fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom were an idiot and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?"

"Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Yankees fan."

Top Ten Secrets to the Boston Red Sox Comeback, as read by Curt Schilling on the Late Show with David Letterman, on October 21, 2004:

The 2004 Red Sox 10. Unlike the first three games, we didn't leave early to beat the traffic.

9. We put flu virus in Jeter's gatorade.

8. Let's just say Pete Rose made some phone calls for us.

7. We asked Pokey Reese to be a little less pokey.

6. It's not like we haven't won a big game before - it's just been 86 years.

5. Honestly, I think we were tired of hearing about the Patriots.

4. The messages of encouragement Martha Stewart sent on prison napkins.

3. We pretended the baseball was Letterman's head.

2. What'd you expect - we have a guy who looks like Jesus!

1. We got Babe Ruth's ghost a hooker and now everything's cool.

A family of New York fans headed out one Saturday to shop for the youngest boy's birthday. While in the sports shop the son picks up a Red Sox jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Red Sox fan and I would like this Boston jersey for my birthday."

His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him upside his head and says, "Go talk to mother." Off goes the little lad with the jersey in hand and finds his mother.


"Yes, son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday."

The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!" Off he goes with the Red Sox jersey in hand and finds his father.


"Yes, son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday."

The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son in the back of his head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"

The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."

"Good son, what is it?"

The son replies, "I've only been a Red Sox fan for an hour and I already hate you Yankee bastards."

Did you hear the one about Grady Little's lawn?

He didn't cut it all summer. He couldn't get the mower to work. Seems he didn't know how to pull the starter.

Albert Einstein is at a party and he's surrounded by a small crowd of admirers. He introduces himself to the first member of the group, and asks, "What is your IQ?"

The man answers, "191."

"Wonderful!" says Einstein. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Albert then turns to a woman and asks, "What's your IQ?"

She responds, "123."

"Ah!" says Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We, too, have much to discuss!"

Einstein then notices a third member of the group and again inquires about the man's IQ. This time the answer is "62." The great physicist ponders for a moment, then brightens and says, "GO YANKEES!"

A father and son are outside Fenway Park, and the young son is asking his father to buy him a "Yankees Suck" T-shirt. The father hesitates, but finally tells his son, "You can have the shirt if you promise never to say that word."

"That's right," says the T-shirt vendor, wanting to make the sale. "'Suck' isn't a very nice word."

"No," replies the father. "I meant the word 'Yankees'."

Saddam Hussein was recently captured by U.S. troops. He was easy to spot in this rather obvious "disguise".
A Boston native dies and is sent to Hell. The Devil tries to make him as uncomfortable as possible, maintaining a temperature of 100 degrees, but the man does not seem to mind.

"How can you be comfortable?" the Devil asks.

"I used to spend my summers on the Cape," the man replies. "This feels just like June. I can handle this."

"Very well then," says the Devil, and he turns the heat up to 130 degrees.

"No problem," answers the man. "My studio apartment was $2000 a month, so I couldn't afford an air conditioner. This feels just like July."

"Have it your way," says the Devil, and he turns the heat up to 180 degrees.

"Big deal," says the man, still unfazed. "I used to sit in the bleachers at Fenway Park. This feels just like August."

The Devil thinks for a moment, then decides to reduce the temperature to minus-50. At this, the man smiles, and starts jumping up and down and shouting happily.

"What now?" asks the Devil.

"Hell froze over!" the man yells triumphantly. "The Red Sox must have finally won the World Series!"

A Red Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.

One day, while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest. "Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.

Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. Not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.

He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "Sorry, Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan."

"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."

Q. What do Grady Little and Don Zimmer have in common?

A. Neither one can take out Pedro!

Two boys are playing hockey on the Boston Common pond when one is attacked by a vicious rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick and scares the dog off, stopping the attack. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Bruins fan saves friend from vicious animal..." he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Bruins fan," the little boy replies.

"Sorry. Since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and starts again. "Red Sox fan rescues friend from horrific attack... he continues writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" the boy says.

"So, what team do you root for?" the reporter asks.

"I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beams.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little brat from New York kills beloved family pet."

Four baseball fans - a Cubs fan, a Cardinals fan, a Red Sox fan, and a Yankees fan - are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.

The Cubs fan insists he is the most loyal. "This is for the Cubs!" he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the Cardinals fan shouts, "This is for the Cardinals!" and throws himself off the mountain.

The Red Sox fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for everyone!" and pushes the Yankees fan off.

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